terowong....

Jiwaku merasa kosong kala ini..
Tiada bermaya,tiada upaya…
Kenapa hati ini seakan tiada erti??
Kenapa sendu sering menjengah diri??

Hatiku bertanya??
Mungkinkah tiadanya pelangi untukku??
Atau pelangi itu belum memunculkan diri…
Sendatnya fikiranku memikirkan sesuatu yang belum pasti..
Yang nyata aku tetap sendiri..
Walau di mata berjuta manusia
Namun di hatiku bagai tiada sesiapa..

Persoalan yang pasti akan menyakitkan jiwa…
Atau sebenarnya memang jiwaku yang sakit??
Ditambah dengan masalah yang dicipta sendiri??
Ceria wajahku menutup segala..
Namun di hati hanya luka yang kian menghiris..

Berjalan aku di lorong yang gelap gelita..
Merangkak-rangkak..
Mencari aluran cahaya..
Disebalik sinar yang kian malap..

Ya Allah…
Bantulah hambaMu ini..
Jangan biarkan aku terperangkap disini…
Tunjukkan cahaya itu..
Agar aku bisa terselamat…
Walau hanya cebisan..
Tetap aku menginginkannya…

Hati yang masih mencari sebuah kepastian…
11.35 malam(14 januari)

sedikit pengulasan:

actually right now,i'm studying pharmacology...tomorrow i will have a practical exam for this subject...this morning the practical anatomy already subsided with a relief(one already gome)..ohh..maybe this feeling of blur came from the tiredness from anat time yesterday..(there is a lot of info that needed to be read,repeated until memorizing it with a good pronouncation)let's make an example...say bullae ethmoidalis,or sphenoidal air recess,or hiatus semilunaris,and dll)....awful....i think that i spent almost my time at my beatiful and favourite place(at my meja study)...sigh.... i'm not give up really...,but,we are human being right..sometimes when we pushed ourselves too much until reached the max level...our heart will said that this is not we want...(that's what i'm felt right now)

i'm always cheerish myself for choosing to become a doctor because really i knew now that this field is really tough and need a lot of patience,strength(either physical or rohaniah) and only some people can able to bear with this feeling of studying...for me, what's more important is that i'm realised that practising medicine made me more near to my "khalik".In this field,the concept of "tawakkal" to Allah after made a bombastic effort is really important...that's what i see..and for me this is "ujian" for me...ujian during the exam moment....of course...no doubt about it...

so,chayo!!!chayo!!!insyallah,i can do it...